“The first year is always the hardest.”

People tend to say this about a lot of life changing commitments like college, marriage and even Peace Corps. And I’d have to say they’re probably right.

Time continues to amaze me. It keeps going by faster and faster. This past year has been filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns. To get a complete picture its best to start at the beginning, one year ago.

Its seems like yesterday that I was saying good-bye to all my friends and family getting ready to travel clear across the world in hope that I could make a difference and change and change my life for the better. I had no idea what to expect. I had one of those gut feelings that even though my rational mind said I was crazy upon boarding that plane, I was making the right decision. They always say hind-sight is 20/20 and I’m thankful everyday for listening to my gut and to have the courage to come to Africa even though many people didn’t think I could do it.

I guess I was a bit surprised by some of the people that thought I couldn’t do this. Upon further contemplation of this, I realize those people really don’t know me. Which is okay. I can see how people would think that a city-dwelling advertising chick like me might have a rough time in rural Africa. In actuality those people have only gotten a glimpse of one part of me. It works both ways though, because some people here have a hard time seeing me in my life back in Chicago. I’m still the same woman, my different strengths/weaknesses come out in different situations. Many people saw this as a way for me to runaway from my problems. But I have to laugh at this, because the problems I face here are much harder and run deeper with the conditions I live under, with people dying of HIV everyday and trying to bring development here when some people don’t want to change. So as you see, I wasn’t running away from anything/anyone. I would have just moved to the west coast ;) As my ex-boyfriend always told me, I have a lot of wonderlust and I really just want to see and experience the world. This past year has only enhanced that feeling in me.

Looking back a year ago before I left…
- I loved living in Chicago
- Wasn’t satisfied with my job
- Didn’t feel like a was making a difference
- Felt like something was missing from my life
- I wasn’t well informed about 3rd world issues such as poverty, hunger, HIV/AIDs etc.
- Took the American way of living for granted
- Never thought for two seconds about how great it is to have electricity, hot running water, a blowdryer, chocolate brownies, ice cream, turkey club sandwiches….you get my point
- Loved playing volleyball
- Could not speak another language
- Learned self-defense
- Hated public speaking
- Extrovert/Introvert
- Loved to shop – never underestimate the power of retain therapy
- Was a clean freak
- Lived paycheck to paycheck
- Felt like I was just going through the motions


One year later this is what I feel like now…

- Can’t imagine being anywhere else at this point
- Find great joy in working/living/teaching here….especially with the youth
- Still question whether I’m making a difference, but I know I’ve personally affected the lives of a few people here
- My job has “no boundaries.” I love making my own schedule.
- Finally realized that I do want to marry someday and have children, I especially want to adopt
- I’ve been tested here emotionally and physically and I’ve surprised myself at how strong I am sometimes. I’ve been through a lot here concerning my safety, health and relationships…and I’m still here. There’s no challenge I won’t take on now.
- I’m intimately informed about poverty, hunger, HIV/AIDs. I live around it everyday. Unfortunately I have to detach myself when faced with some of these issues. It’s for my own survival here. Some things are really hard to face and watch.
- I’ve realized how fortunate I am. I definitely took my life in Chicago for granted sometimes. I’ll admit I miss some of those things. Hopefully I won’t take them for granted anymore. I miss the comfort of my bed, the smell of fabric softner on my sheets, the cleanliness of restaurants, all the “options” we have as Americans and I miss going to the coffee shop and bookstores whenever I want. One things for sure, I never thought that I would fantasize about food so much. Its become an obsession. I dream about it and think about it a lot especially in the village.
- I can finally say that I speak another language…and its been one of the harder things for me. Communication is so important. I feel like I sound like a Dr. Seuss book all the time…see spot run. However as time goes on, its getting better.
- I love meeting new people. Hitch-hiking has really given me the confidence in myself and I usually meet really great/interesting people. Meeting strangers and public speaking are daily activities for me here.
- My celebrity status is both flattering and flat out annoying. Sometimes I try so hard to fit in and be a member of my community, but they will always see me as the white girl who’s educated and has a lot of money L
- Music has become so important to me now. I couldn’t do this without my music.
- I miss playing volleyball but love to watch the girls play net ball
- More extroverted
- I’m still organized and try to keep as clean a mud hut as possible ;)
- Feel refreshed after a nice bucket bath
- Still have no money
- I’ve become more accepting of others. I love my family here as if they were my own. I take pride in my friendships, they mean the world to me.
- I’m more compassionate. I’ve learned to be less critical. My tolerance level has more than doubled along with my patience.
- Simplifying my life was the best thing I could have ever done
- Reading has become a sort of job. I love it and have been so fortunate to have gotten to read some really great books here.
- I hate getting sick here. Its horrible. Getting sick has been some of my lowest moments in my service.
- Having my kids tell me they love me every night before I go to bed has been some of my best moments in PC. They say it in English too!
- Learning about a different culture has been so fascinating. Understanding it has been a great challenge. Gender/Racial issues go back hundreds of years here.
- Seeing the importance of family and made to feel like I belong here with them has been so amazing. More than I ever expected.
- Getting fish farming started here has been like pulling teeth. However I’m not quitting and its going to happen.
- Being alone is good for the soul. Loneliness is a state of mind. I’ve come to cherish my alone time.
- I’m more in touch with who I am and where I’m going in this life. I’m comfortable being me here.
- I’m more willing to step outside of my comfort zones.
- I’ve learned to face my inner demons.
- I try not to worry about the small stuff anymore
- I finally feel like I’m truly living.
- I’ve learned that race, gender, sexuality and religious beliefs make us all unique, however at the end of the day we are all human beings trying to co-exist in this world. We aren’t all that different, we all have feelings, wanting to love and be loved.
- And I’m happy here…most days ;)
- This list could continue on and on…

So in my mind I’ve come a long way. However I couldn’t be here right now without the support of my family and friends at home. Thanks for listening when I need you.

Don’t get me wrong, this past years been a rollercoaster. There’s been a few moments when I’ve just wanted to come home. However I force myself to give it 48hrs and so far its worked out.

My kids here keep me going. They are the most precious kids I’ve known, second of course to my real nephews Sajan and Shrey. They make me smile when I’m mad and laugh when I’m sad.

Overall Peace Corps is quite different than I imagined, yet a lot like I thought it would be. Doesn’t make sense I know, but I guess you just have to be here. I think this first year will probably have been the most challenging and who knows what next year will bring. The physical challenges have been the easiest to overcome. It’s the emotional challenges that I have to continue to battle be it work related, PC related, friendship related, health related etc. I hope things continue to work out here, because I think its going to be really hard to leave this place.

So where do I see myself going after this? I still have plenty of time to figure it out and it keeps changing, but I like living among different cultures. So next stop, Asia! I want to teach English in China or South Korea. Eventually I’ll find myself on the west coast preferable in Portland, OR.

One final thought. I’ve realized over the years that if you have a dream, follow it, don’t give up no matter what, and it will happen. You can make it happen. I did. Since I was nineteen years old I dreamt of joining the Peace Corps and coming to Africa. One decade later, I’m here.